#SISSY HALLOWEEN TASKS FULL#
#SISSY HALLOWEEN TASKS PLUS#

All the while dressed in a Spider-man unitard.Ī couple years out of college, with a new and precocious fear of aging, I dressed as Norma Desmond for Halloween: turban, crazy dramatic eye makeup, leopard-print dressing gown, and slip. I got up bright and early, braving rush hour on the PATH then the L-train back to Williamsburg. I thought he said he lived in Chelsea, but in fact he said Jersey. I went home with a muscular cowboy I met at a gay party. I took a cab, carrying my fishnets and garter belt in a plastic bag from the hospital. After overnight monitoring in the cardiac ICU, I called my ex for help getting home in the morning.

#SISSY HALLOWEEN TASKS FULL#

I was escorted first to campus health services, then to Beth Israel hospital, where I spent that night in full wench regalia and a state of anaphylactic shock, surrounded by stabbing victims. I was almost to the train when I felt funny, so I walked into the campus security office and discovered my tongue was swelling up and out of my mouth.

#SISSY HALLOWEEN TASKS PLUS#

I was planning on two things: to hook up with my ex and to avoid drinking, because I was two days into a course of antibiotics, plus an anti-nausea medication. I was so mortified on his behalf that I gave him a pair of oversize sweatpants, which he never returned.įor a Friday Halloween party, I was dressed as a pirate wench in a poufy blouse, too much makeup, thigh-high fishnets, and a garter belt. “I can’t wear this home!” he said, holding up his miniskirt. When I tried to kick him out, he panicked. I steeled myself and examined my bedmate: a male friend who had dressed as a nurse for Halloween. Then I noticed a blonde wig on my desk (not mine), wads of tissue paper on the floor (not mine either), and an enormous bra (definitely not mine).

One of the boy’s roommates found it later between the couch cushions.Īfter blacking out in some spandex contraption from Ricky’s, I was hugely relieved to wake up the next morning in my own bed. Thank God my hung-over brain knew not to wear the nipple hat home. I saw a lot of dog walkers and parents taking their kids to school. So, without any recourse, I started my long walk back wearing the breast as my top. I went home with this boy I’ve always been into and left my boob suit in his living room.Īwkwardly creeping out the next morning, I searched for what seemed like twenty minutes but couldn’t find my shirt. What could be funnier? We were the center of attention, soft to touch, an oversize monument to every Jewish grandma’s upper torso. My friend and I went as “bosom buddies,” two boobs made from a foam mattress topper, flesh-colored sheets, and pink shower caps for nipples. 1, he asked where I spent the night, but didn’t actually seem to care, either. But maybe I was projecting, because it’s New York, and, like, who cares? As for Guy No. Lots of stares from moms and wide-eyed children and security guards.

1 wearing the same getup to retrieve my overpriced wig, but then had to walk ten blocks home in my polyester dress and jeweled heels, wig dangling. So I not only had to knock on the door of Guy No.

I just wanted someone to walk me home, but ended up, um, waking up the next morning beside Guy No. 1, but he was the worst and I just couldn’t stay there, so I left at 3 a.m., but on my way out of the dorm, I saw my friends in a different guy’s room and joined them. I was in college and absolutely went for it as Marie Antoinette: white knee-highs with bows, big blonde wig with baubles pinned into it, frilly blue dress. May their stories caution and inspire you. The most glorious twelve include a sexy zebra, a sexy nurse, a man dressed as a boob, a pirate wench who discovered an allergy, and a lingerie-clad woman who stumbled into a parade. The Cut asked its most DTF friends for Halloween walk-of-shame stories. The year’s most conspicuous walks of shame occur the morning after Halloween, when hung-over partiers wake up in strangers’ beds, pour themselves back into last night’s slutty maid costumes, and march home in the harsh light of day.

Sissy halloween tasks